Catholics are Hilarious!

A cop pulls over a car full of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you so slow?"

Sister replies, "I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The Cop says, "Sister, that's the name of the highway, not the speed limit."

"Silly me," the embarrassed nun says, "Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

But then the cop glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear. He asks,

"Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends?"

Sister says, "Oh, we just got off Highway 101."

Q: What do you call a sleep walking Nun?

A: A Roamin' Catholic

Little Johnny opened the big family Bible with fascination, and looked through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. Little Johnny picked it up and looked. An old leaf from a tree had been pressed between the pages. "Momma, look what i found," he called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's swim suit!"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. There was a note posed by the fruit. "Take only one," it read. "God is watching."

At the other end of the line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God's watching the apples."

Q: How did the bishop make holy water?
A: He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it.

Did you know the apostles actually edited the Bible story about the woman caught in adultery because what really happened was quite awkward?

It seems Jesus was writing in the sand and said, "If anyone of you is without sin, you be the first to throw a stone."

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a rock came sailing in and whacked the poor woman in the head. Jesus stood up and with great exasperation

said, "Mother!"

A couple had two very mischievous little boys, ages eight and ten, who were always getting into trouble. The parents knew that if any

mischief occurred in their town their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a monsignor in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The monsignor agreed. The mother sent the eight year old in first.

The monsignor, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the young boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response. He just sat there with this mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the monsignor repeated the question in an even stronger tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the monsignor raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet clamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

-For more HILARIOUS jokes, check out The Book of Catholic Jokes by Deacon Tom Sheridan